Anyone who says that adoption is the "easy" way to have a child is an IDIOT! I am so sick of people telling me, "Oh, wow! Wish I had it that easy! All you had to do was show up! You didn't have to go through the 9 months of pregnancy and the morning sickness and the painful hours of labor..."
No, I didn't have to go through that. Trust me when I say that I would have LOVED to have had that special gift!!! (Why are you whining about it?)
Instead, I went through just over 18 agonizing months of wondering "what if?" constantly...
"What if the birth mother changes her mind & takes my baby from me?" (as she called so often to remind me that she could do that at any time...)
"What if the state won't approve the adoption?"
"What if the judge doesn't sign the paper?"
"What if our home state & NE won't agree on the adoption?"
"What if... what if... what if..."
Our lawyer seemingly vanished while we were stuck in a Super 8 hotel with a newborn. He decided to divorce his wife who just so happened to be the daughter of the head of the law firm. So, we were in limbo until another attorney agreed to take his place. That only took SIX WEEKS!
Oh yes, did I forget to mention how I would have loved to have been able to bring my baby HOME and sit in a rocking chair with her instead of bringing her "home" to a Super 8 motel in the middle of nowhere, NE??? As we pulled into that town, the only other hotel was on fire. My baby spent the first 8 weeks of her life in a tiny motel room. No refrigerator. No microwave. We had to improvise like you wouldn't believe. But, sure, you're right. That was much easier than being in our own home!
So, forgive me for NOT being able to conceive a child. Forgive me for taking the "easy" way out and not being able to have that comfort of knowing for the 9 months of pregnancy that this baby is MINE and NO judge, lawyer, or numerous other people will be able to take her from me!!!
End of rant... been a tough few weeks. Can you tell???
Yes, I knew the moment I held Gidget for the first time that she was a gift from God. I knew it was in His hands...
But still I wondered, "What if..." and spent endless days and nights crying out to Him and quoting Isaiah 41:10, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
Thank you, God, for my little girl... and for letting me take the "easy" way out because it taught me so much about Your Goodness, Grace, Mercy, & Patience!!!
You see, I've realized the truth. She really isn't mine. She's on loan from God. She belongs to Him.
(I'll probably regret this post in the morning... I'm just so tired!)
1 comment:
Please don't regret this post! Do you know how much it helps to know that there are others who have 3:00am adoption rants???
Seriously, people can tell me I'm fat or ugly or stupid or incompetent, and I can roll with it. (I may cry later, but I won't get mad.) But tell me I took the easy way out...all I can say is look out!!!
What about the paperwork? You know, where they want to know every last intimate detail of every facet of your life,starting in the WOMB??
Or the violating doctor's appointments and treatments when they try to figure out "what's wrong" with you that prevents you from having a baby NORMALLY??
Nope, I don't have strong opinions about this! ;)
You may want to smack me but I have to admit that I burst out laughing when I read about the other hotel being on fire! That is SO something that would happen to us!
The attorney thing... unbelievable!! Never had that happen, but I do have a couple of crazy attorney stories.
Sorry for the novel, but I just love your honesty!
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