Sunday Sing-Along

This has just been a crazy week...er...few weeks actually.  This song just keeps coming to my mind, so I thought I'd post it.  Sure would like to see one of those miracles just happen!

I haven't been around to visit my blogging friends lately.  In fact, I feel like a pretty terrible blogger when I look and see that DENISE has written 18 posts since I last visted her blog (insert fake sneeze that sounds more like "show off" than "a-choo").  No, I still haven't read the posts.  I know they exist, though, and I plan to visit...eventually.  (Denise is such a great friend!!  She's the kind of friend who you know actually prays for you when she says she will.)

Please keep praying for my brother.  He has a blood clot in his right arm and they can't give him any thinners because he still has an opening in his skull from his brain surgery as well as other places on his body where they removed tumors.  He's still in ICU and I still don't know how I'm going to get there to see him.

Waiting

The time on the clock ticks by ever so slowly when you are awaiting news, doesn't it?  For instance, I got a mammogram last week.  The doctor's office called me Monday and left a message to call them back.  So I called them right back...and got told that I'd have to wait until she was free to call me.  I waited for six hours.  SIX HOURS.  I was so nervous and I couldn't seem to get anything done.  When I finally did get a call, it didn't even last 30 seconds.  "Your mammogram came back normal.  I recommend you get another one next year."  That was it.  Yet, it was a complete relief.

Now I find myself again waiting.  My brother has been in and out of the hospital for weeks now.  He's been battling skin cancer for years.  After this last round of radiation they said he was all clear, only he found himself back in the hospital a week later from an adverse reaction to a medication...so they thought.  Then, they thought that was under control & sent him home again...only to have him come back in that night because the x-ray showed pneumonia in his lungs.  After another week in the hospital, he was sent home again with the "all clear" message.  Then the next day he was rushed back in an ambulance.

After multiple scans and tests they said that the tumors on his lungs were growing at an alarmingly rapid rate. 

Wait.

Tumors on his lungs?

It was skin cancer, not lung cancer!

They did a biopsy of the tumors and said it wasn't cancerous...but they don't know what it is.  Then, he became non-responsive.  He doesn't seem to recognize anyone in his family.  Oh, and by the way, we found "something" on his brain.  We'll have to run some tests.

And this is the good hospital!

So, tonight he was rushed into emergency surgery because his brain was so swollen they had to go in to relieve pressure.  And I find myself waiting again.  Waiting for a phone call or an email or something to let me know my big brother is okay.

It's these times that make having moved away from home so hard.  Knowing we're where God wants us is priceless.  I wouldn't trade that.  Yet, tonight...I'd kind of like to be in Pennsylvania.

Please pray for my brother.

I Remember Her...

...that woman who would have 5 decadent desserts and 3-5 side dishes (all made from scratch, of course) prepared for the church picnic.  Not only would she have all of that ready, she'd be in charge of making sure that the kids had lots of fun games and prizes to enjoy.  She'd have all her family's clothes for the picnic washed and ready to go, plus Sunday's clothes laid out and ready.  The problem is that when thoughts of her flood my mind, the tears flood my eyes to the point that I can't get anything done.  I try so very hard to put her memory out of my mind -- and I often succeed at it.  Not today, though.

Today as I was struggling for hours with making 1 decadent (albeit very easy) dessert and 1 side dish, my mind rushed to thinking of her... the "me of the past" and I just got so angry with myself.  The more I thought of her, the more I decided that I could do it all.  So, I'd get in over my head more and more.  Before I knew it, 7 hours were just gone and I still hadn't finished just the 2 simple items.

I went to get the laundry out of the dryer and sat down and just cried.  I was so mad at myself for not being able to do all that I used to do.  I was frustrated and then I began to have a full blown pity party.  It wasn't pretty, let me tell ya!

Then I realized that the only one who was upset about my not doing all that I used to be able to do before the MS was me!  So, as I'm sitting in front of the dryer completely covered in tears I began to change my thinking.  Instead of thinking of all the things that I can't do, I started thinking of all the things that I can do right now that I couldn't do a year ago or even a few months ago for that matter!  For instance, I played the piano at a VBS at a friend's church last night.  Couldn't have done that a few months ago!  Sure, I hit some sour notes, but a few sour ones after years of not being able to hit any come out sweet in the end.  Well, maybe not to the other people listening, but to me anyway. ;) 

I also thought about the 13 steps I have to do to get down to the basement to do the laundry.  I couldn't have done that either.  Now I do them probably 15 times or more a week!  That's so cool! 

Yep, I served myself up a big ole piece of perspective pie.  I am ashamed of myself when I fall into those pity party modes, but I'm working on it. 

So, tomorrow I'll be taking 1 strawberry dessert and 1 bowl of macaroni salad with me to the picnic.  The people in my new church family didn't know her and they aren't going to be expecting her to show up.  They are expecting me to show, though, so I should probably get to bed!