So Thankful!

I have so much for which to be thankful! I was thinking about this time last year. I had just suffered the worse MS attack I've had thus far. I was unable to get in or out of bed without help. My daughter would have to call my Mom in the mornings when we woke up to come help. I had to have a portable toilet in the most non-private of places because I couldn't use a walker to walk even one step and I couldn't get my wheelchair into a bathroom. I had to have my husband lift me into the bathtub where I could sit and bathe. I never felt so helpless and useless in my life.

But through all that God has allowed me to learn so many things; for that I am so grateful!!! I heard a dear pastor friend preach a message years ago about how we should view the "valleys" in life as training grounds and ask God to help us learn what it is that He wants us to learn and to help us to not miss the lesson. That has been a prayer of mine over the past year. I'm truly grateful for all that I have learned!

Last Thanksgiving I talked my husband through the Thanksgiving meal cooking. (That was even more exhausting than cooking it myself!) I wouldn't hear of not having the traditional family/friends meal as usual. I was wrong. I've learned that things will never be the same as they were and it's okay to start new traditions... or to even be a little spontaneous. So this year we are doing things VERY different! We actually (gasp) ordered our Thanksgiving meal from Bob Evans. I didn't bake anything... because I can't, and that's okay. The in-laws aren't coming (and, boy, is M-I-L upset), and neither is anyone else.

We are staying in our p.j.'s and decorating our Christmas tree while we watch the parade and the national dog show that Gidget loves to watch each year. (I could live without it!) My hubby is going to follow the heating directions and heat up our meal. Then we are going to sit around the card table which will be draped with a paper table cover instead of my nice linens (my dining room has been converted into a school room because of the wheelchair situation) . We are going to talk about what we are truly thankful for and give thanks to God.

It's going to be a very different Thanksgiving this year, but I'm very different this year! God is molding me into what He wants me to be. I got tired of fighting change. It's time to embrace God's plan for my life. It brings true joy when you do that!!!

I'm excited and happy and truly, deeply thankful to God for His mercy and grace!!!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Sunday Sing-Along

This is powerful! Take the time watch it & truly listen. Please...pretty please!

I'm thankful that God's not finished working on me!!!!

Have Thine Own Way, Lord

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Thou are the potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me
After Thy will
While I am waiting
Yielded and still

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Search me and try me
Master today
Whiter than snow, Lord
Wash me just now
As in Thy presence
Humbly I bow

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Wounded and weary
Help me I pray
Power all power surely is Thine
Touch me and heal me
Savior divine

Praising God!!!

I am simply in awe of God! He has been so good to me!! I'm going to post what I've been sending in emails to friends... praise the Lord with me!

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"But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me." Psalm 66:19-20

With the progressive form of MS I have, the doctors had pretty much given up hope that anything would help me. The last resort was to use chemo to kill off my immune system entirely so that it would stop attacking my body instead of doing its job. When they all said “chemo” – it just freaked me out! I have so many people who I love who have been down that road due to cancer, and they are just so much braver than I am!

I was told this a few months ago, but I had to go through a bunch of tests before I could begin. All the while I kept asking God to give me direction and wisdom because I didn’t want to make the wrong choice. The chemo drug that I would be going on has a high risk of heart damage and Leukemia. I have a daughter! These risks just didn’t sound great to me. She already goes through so much having a Mommy who can’t do the things other Moms can do. She’s such a little trooper!

A few weeks ago after being told yet again that chemo was my only hope, I prayed and I cried for a long time. Then I accepted that it was what I had to do. I told God that I’d do it if that was His will for me and that I’d trust Him to take care of me. I was still scared, but I kept saying the verse “What time I am afraid I will trust in Thee” over & over again. It comforted me.

Then one day 2 weeks ago my specialist called & said she wanted to put the chemo on hold for a week. That was okay with me!! I began to wonder if God was doing something, but still wanted to be willing to do whatever it was that He wanted. When I got to the neurology department at Penn last Monday after a long 2 hour drive, I signed in and we went into the waiting room expecting at least a 45 min. wait which is standard there. After about 2 min. my doctor personally came out and got me. Another first for her! She said she was anxious to see me. She did a thorough exam and was very pleased to find some improvement since our last appointment. She said that was extremely odd given the form of MS I have and the fact that there was no improvement visible on the MRI.

Then she sat there and just stared at me with a weird look on her face. After a few moments of silence she said, “This is just all very odd to me. Obviously something inexplicable is going on in your body because medically this makes no sense. Since you are doing better without any treatment, I’m going to recommend that we put chemo on hold. If you have another attack in the next few months we’ll start the chemo immediately. If not, I’m going to put you on the oral medication that should be FDA approved early next year.”

Now, what I should explain is that the oral medication is what I have wanted to be on for the past two years! It was in clinical trials and I couldn’t pass the physical portion of the exam to get in the trial because you had to be able to walk the length of a football field unassisted. Being in a wheelchair pretty much ruins your shot at getting in that trial! The people I know from different MS forums who are on it have had wonderful success. But, in January I flunked the physical exam for the final trial phase and I was told that I’d have to go on something else. My doctor pointed out Monday that if I had been accepted in the trial, right now we’d all be thinking that it was the pill holding the MS back...and that I may have been put on the placebo instead of the real medication and been giving that the credit. Isn’t it great that God kept me off that trial so that He could be glorified!!!

My friend Brenda referred me to a doctor who takes a holistic approach. I figured, “why not” and went to see him. He gave me all kinds of supplement suggestions. Then we began seeing a nutritionist. While I can’t medically prove that all the supplements and the subtle change in diet had anything to do with stabilizing the MS, I truly believe that God used this to help me. Having said that, I never imagined taking so many vitamins in my life! It’s crazy...but it’s helping!

So, no chemo for me at this time -- PRAISE THE LORD!! My muga heart test came back extremely healthy...no problems there other than my daughter pulling at the heartstrings! :)

I realize this was a lengthy, jumbled response, but I’m just so truly amazed at God’s grace! You’d have to know my specialist to truly get the whole picture. She’s this brilliant hippie chick. Saying that she wants to put chemo on hold and do nothing is directly opposite of EVERYTHING she had said before and of everything my other doctors recommended. It was clearly an answer to prayer! It was clearly a “God” thing!!! Yes, I may have another MS attack at any point, but I told my husband that if I do than I must accept that as God’s plan as well.

I really appreciate your prayers, and would truly appreciate your continued prayers that the attacks would stay away. Thank you so, so much!

Isn’t God AWESOME?!!!!

Sunday Sing-Along

I am so extremely THANKFUL that His strength IS perfect, and that He does carry me when I can't carry on!! Thank you, God!!

Sunday Sing-Along

It's been a while! I had originally planned to take a month off. I had wanted to turn the meme into a multi-themed one that spanned the entire weekend. However, as you well know, that just never happened!

I didn't realize that it would actually be missed, though, and only realized how much last Sunday when I visited some friends' blogs.

So, okay... I'm hosting it again. Just don't leave me hanging, gals!!! :)

Need Prayer

I haven't posted anything lately. First I was too busy, and now I'm sick. I would truly appreciate your prayers!

Yesterday I had a MUGA heart scan done. They injected me with some radioactive molecule and then put me in a gamma machine to watch how my blood flows through my body. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm super claustrophobic! I was truly terrified, but as soon as I was strapped into this machine complete peace rushed over me! I knew that I was not alone... God was right there with me! It's kind of funny to think about. I mean, there was absolutely no room for anyone else in that gamma machine. But yet the Almighty was in there with me! Makes me think of that old song, "How big is God? How big and wide his vast domain! To try to tell these lips can only start. He's big enough to rule His mighty universe, yet small enough to live within my heart!" I had an awesome time just talking with Him! I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been spending enough time with Him lately. It was almost like He was telling me, "Okay, if you won't come to Me, I'll come to you!"

I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow. I'm nervous, but I plan on using the time in that tube to talk with Him again.

All of these tests are leading up to my new MS therapy. Unfortunately, the only approved one that I haven't tried is chemotherapy. Now that's a word that truly terrifies me! The goal is to kill off the white blood cells so that they stop attacking my brain.

Did I tell you that my MS specialist thinks that I'm "complicated"? I found that hilarious when she e-mailed it to me! I mean, the woman is brilliant but she has absolutely no bedside manner! But when it comes to MS, I'll take brilliance over the bedside manner any day! She felt I was complicating things because I told her, after searching for weeks, that there was not an oncologist anywhere in my area willing to take orders from her and prescribe chemotherapy for me. I knew when she told me to find one that I wouldn't be able to. I mean, were living in the "let's sue every doctor we possibly can for everything we possibly can" era, and she wanted me to find one in small town USA that was willing to do something that they are unfamiliar with just because she said so! Oncologists don't prescribe chemotherapy for MS! She just doesn't understand what it's like to live in a rural area because she's always lived in cities.

I do hope to start posting more. We went on vacation last month and had so much fun! I have some great stories to tell you. Of course, that's assuming anyone still reads this blog that was seemingly abandoned!

I'm really tired so I think I'll go rest for a while.

Until next time!
Stacey

Just One Look

Just One Look
©2009 Jerry Bouey

Just one look to Jesus will bring healing to the soul;
Just one look to Heaven and the heart will be made whole;
Just one moment to see Him - just one glimpse of Him today;
Falling in love with Jesus is only just one look away.

One look away from the world, one look away from your sin,
One look away from your idols - looking only unto Him;
Just one look towards the Saviour, one turn away from the past,
One heart reaching towards Jesus, looking only to Him at last.

Just one look to Jesus, just the simple touch of faith;
Just one heart that hungers for something real in its place;
Just one conscience that senses there must be something greater;
Just one longing within your soul to know your own Creator.

Just one look to Jesus, a glance and then a stare;
Just one look to Jesus, to the Lord who really cares;
One look that leads to salvation, one look that's full of faith;
One look that reveals the Saviour, one look that saves by grace.

Just one look to Jesus, the Way, the Truth, the Life;
Just one look to the Master brings calm within the strife;
Just one look filled with hope, one look that brings perfect peace;
One look towards the Saviour and the inward struggles cease.

Just one look to Jesus.
Just one look.


Isaiah 45:22 Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

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I found this posted HERE and thought is was beautiful. I hope you enjoy it as well.