The Battle in My Brain

So, my newest ministry as a PW (that's Pastor's Wife for those of you not "in the know") is teaching a ladies' Bible study.  Now, I have to tell you.  When I was asked I thought, "HA!  That's funny!  I am sooooo not qualified for that!"  But, I gave that great answer that always buys you more time and makes you sound good and spiritual, "Um... let me pray about it and get back to you."  So that's what I did.

Now here's where God's sense of humor comes in -- He made it pretty clear that this was EXACTLY what He wanted me to do!  I'm thinking, "Really?  What am I going to say?  I'm not gifted at speaking."  I refer to that as my Moses Moment.  So, I started praying more that God would show me what He wanted me to do.  I was thinking, "Okay.  I'll borrow/buy one of those DVD courses taught by someone like Beth Moore or Elizabeth George and then just do the discussion part with them."  God said, "No, that's not what I want you to do."

Then I thought, "Well, I'll have my Mom send me all of the lessons she's done with the ladies over the years.  She's such a gifted Bible teacher.  Her lessons are always so good.  Maybe I can pull that off."  God said, "No, that's not what I want you to do."

I thought, "Okay.  So, You don't want me to use something from someone who is more gifted than I am and has done this for years.  What do You want me to do?  Come up with something all on my own?"

God said, "Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do.  Now, when you're done having your little panic attack and are ready to ask Me for help, I'll be here waiting to guide you."

So, I couldn't sleep (I know, SHOCKER... right, DENISE??)  For those of you who don't know, Denise and I have chosen the path of living our lives in the state of sleep deprivation.  Some nights we are lucky enough to find each other alive and well (albeit in a comma-like state) on FaceBook.  I began to pray as I lay there in bed and I drifted off which was a true blessing.  I'd been praying for sleep for so many nights!

You know, I've always heard, "God has a sense of humor."  I've even said it when it seemed like the thing to say.  Now, I HAVE PROOF!  Guess what time I woke up?  FIVE A.M.  Yep.  And on a Saturday to boot!  So, I made my, "I cannot believe I'm awake already" trip down the hall to the bathroom, then my "I'm totally going back to bed" trip back to my bedroom.  Only, as I was lying there my mind was just racing.  All these ideas for what to do with the women were flooding it.  I was like, "Now?  Really?  Can't I just go back to sleep and I'll work on this at, oh, say 8?"  God said, "No.  You should get up and work on it now."

But, I thought for sure that I misunderstood what He was telling me.  So, I rolled over and tried sleeping on my left side instead of my right.  And just extra "proof" of God's sense of humor:  my hubby's alarm clock goes off -- and HE SLEEPS THROUGH IT!  So, I get up and make the, "I'm so gonna kill him" walk over to his side of the bed and turn off his alarm, give him a very gentle (okay, not so gentle) shove and say, "How on earth did you sleep through your alarm?  You turned the volume up to it's max?  Get up!"  (Yea, we've been married that long.)

You know what he has the nerve to say?  "Oh, I forgot to shut that off.  I don't have to get up for another hour."  Then, he goes right back to sleep while I'm standing there with my "I am so annoyed at you right now" look on my face!  THE NERVE!  I have spent the last 14 years working on that look and have just perfected it!

And God said in His still small voice: "I told you to get up."

Okay.  Now I'm up!  So, I grab a pen and a tablet and my Bible and head out to the living room.  That's where OBJECTIVITY was born.  He gave me the idea to use all these different objects that would be very recognizable to women and teach a practical Christian living application with each object.

So, we had our very first OBJECTIVITY night this past Thursday.  My lesson was called, "What's Weighing You Down" and I used weights as my object.  My DH (redeeming himself from the whole alarm thing) made weights for me out of wood, painted them black, and then put the writing on them.  They look so real!  On each weight, we put E-Motion as the weight "brand" and then on the opposite side, a different emotional weight with which women struggle.  I focused mainly on worry, regret, and bitterness, but also touched on fear, anger, pride, and guilt.  I wrapped myself up in a chain at one point and hung all these weights on it to show how satan wants to keep us bound by our emotions so that we are of no use to God.  (Yep, I felt like I was crazy...but it felt good to be doing what God wanted me to do.)

I do plan to post some of the lesson on here at a different time... right now we are getting ready for our trip to MN for hubby's grandma's memorial service.  Not looking forward to it due to how dysfunctional his family is, but praying that Peter will get the opportunity to share the Gospel with them.  We're heading into hostile territory, and that's probably an understatement!  This will be the first time since our wedding day (14 years ago) that we have been with any of his side of the family other than his folks.  He's especially anxious to spend some time with his sister and her family.  Pray for us! :)