Exposing Major Blind Spots

A friend of mine recently pointed my attention to this article.  WOW!  It's good!  If you are a home-schooling your kids you NEED to take the time to read this!

If you are a parent, you NEED to read this!

If you are a Christian, you NEED to read this!

Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers by Reb Bradley

"Fruit is born from the inside -- not applied to the outside."  (Just one of the many, many points to ponder!)

Our Last Goodbye

Dean and Dee, 2010

When I was 4 he got married.  I was not a happy camper.  I really was mad at his new wife because I was going to grow up and marry my big brother!  How dare she!!!  But, reluctantly, I hugged him goodbye as he left for his honeymoon.


When I was 8 I stood proudly beside him as he in his full dress U.S. Army uniform led my class in the Pledge of Allegiance.  I had brought him in for show and tell.  Then, I went out with him to his car and hugged him goodbye as he left for the airport heading to Germany where he was stationed for four years.


When I was 10 I watched our lane for hours waiting for him to get there!  Two years without seeing him was torture!  He was coming home from Germany for Christmas!!!  I enjoyed watching him wallop my other older brother for all the mean things he'd done to me while he was away.  Then the New Year came and he and his family had to head back.  Once again I hugged him goodbye and watched the airplane leave Dover Air Force Base.


When I was 14 I spent a whole month with him on the Army base in Massachusetts.  I had so much fun being "Aunt Stacey" to his 4 children.  He introduced me to the music of Steven Curtis Chapman.  He took me to see all the historical sights he could.  We got to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July from a special viewing area reserved for soldiers and their families.  It was AWESOME!  Not just the fireworks, but being the only single girl on an Army base full of very lonely young men.  It helped that at 14 I looked like I was much older. ;)  Of course, my big brother had to be just that...my big brother and protect me from all those handsome young guys in uniform.  I forgave him...eventually.  My parents came to pick me up at the end of that month.  Another goodbye hug without knowing when I'd get to see him again.


When I was 16 he was discharged from the Army with military honors.  I was so happy!  HE WAS COMING HOME FOR GOOD!!!  He became a pastor of a church about 30 minutes from where I lived.  I'd go to his house and babysit sometimes.  Sometimes I'd play the piano for their VBS or revival meetings.  Each time as I'd leave we'd hug goodbye.  Only now it wasn't with the "when will I see him again" feeling.


As I stood giving my Valedictorian speech at graduation he was there.  This time I could see the proud look on his face.  Then he gave me a great "I'm so proud of my little sister" goodbye hug.  That was an awesome night.


A few months later I was packing for college.  I was just about ready to leave when he showed up with a huge box for me.  I opened it up to find a computer and printer.  My brother...the computer whiz kid had built me a computer to take with me to college.  Of course, in 1990 it was HUGE and heavy.  We put it in the van with the rest of my stuff and hugged goodbye once more.


Later I ended up transferring to another college that was closer to home, and I met a young man at church.  He was an obnoxious jerk.  He got saved and was then a saved obnoxious jerk.  He set his mind on the fact that he was going to marry me.  We ended up at the same college.  He told my big brother, "You know I intend to marry your sister.  One day she'll be my wife."  My big brother just laughed.  A few years later on our wedding day my brother shared that story just before officiating our vow ceremony.  It was now my turn to leave for my honeymoon, and as I did so he hugged me goodbye.  (By the way, my new hubby was no longer an obnoxious jerk.)


Peter & I bought a small trailer to live in while we saved up to build our dream house.  (We didn't know at the time that God had other plans.)  I came home one day from work and found big brother building me a small front porch.  He said, "I know this isn't your dream house, but we can sure make it a great home for you in the meantime."  I cried.  When he was finished, I gave him the biggest hug goodbye.


After our baby girl was born I'd take her to work with me.  I set up a nursery in my office.  In the afternoons I'd teach piano and she'd sit in her baby swing.  I can't tell you how many times my brother (who happened to live next door to my office) would come steal her.  I'd have to go to his place after lessons were over and steal her back.  He said, "You've been the cool aunt to my kids for years, now it's my turn to be the cool uncle."  And he was.  My daughter loved when he'd kidnap her.  Each time I'd just laugh as we hugged him goodbye.


Fast forward to February, 2011.  Now my family is moving to Illinois.  We know we are doing what God wants us to do.  The day we left I spent the afternoon with him.  We made plans for him to come visit next spring.  We reminisced about all of these things I've just written about.  We laughed and cried.  Then it was time for me to leave.  We hugged goodbye once more.


I wish I had known that it was going to be the last hug goodbye.


Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011, he left his 53-year-old earthly body behind for a heavenly one.  I didn't get to hug him goodbye because I'm in Illinois and he was in Pennsylvania. 

Dear Dean,
     I know you aren't into the whole "blog thing" and all, and that you feel strongly that we shouldn't put anything on the internet because the government is watching every word... but I'm going to do it anyway.
     I didn't get to say goodbye this time, but I'm so glad that I'll get another "hello"!!!  Until we meet again, big brother, I'm going to trust that our Savior is giving you those hugs that I so want to give you.
     I'm very thankful that you are no longer in pain and that you are finally cancer free FOREVER.  I'm jealous that you are with Dad, but I am confident that you are both taking notes on what our idiot brother is doing wrong so you can both tell him when he gets there.
     I love you.  I wish I could have said that to you one more time before you left, but I do think you knew it in your heart.  Until we meet again know that you are in my heart forever.  I won't be able to look at chocolate covered cherries this Christmas without thinking of the many boxes I snuck to you through the years without your wife seeing.

Love you so much!                   

"We can cry with hope

We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no

And we can grieve with hope

'Cause we believe with hope

(There's a place by God's grace)

There's a place where we'll see your face again

We'll see your face again..."

~ Steven Curtis Chapman

Sunday Sing-Along

This has just been a crazy week...er...few weeks actually.  This song just keeps coming to my mind, so I thought I'd post it.  Sure would like to see one of those miracles just happen!

I haven't been around to visit my blogging friends lately.  In fact, I feel like a pretty terrible blogger when I look and see that DENISE has written 18 posts since I last visted her blog (insert fake sneeze that sounds more like "show off" than "a-choo").  No, I still haven't read the posts.  I know they exist, though, and I plan to visit...eventually.  (Denise is such a great friend!!  She's the kind of friend who you know actually prays for you when she says she will.)

Please keep praying for my brother.  He has a blood clot in his right arm and they can't give him any thinners because he still has an opening in his skull from his brain surgery as well as other places on his body where they removed tumors.  He's still in ICU and I still don't know how I'm going to get there to see him.

Waiting

The time on the clock ticks by ever so slowly when you are awaiting news, doesn't it?  For instance, I got a mammogram last week.  The doctor's office called me Monday and left a message to call them back.  So I called them right back...and got told that I'd have to wait until she was free to call me.  I waited for six hours.  SIX HOURS.  I was so nervous and I couldn't seem to get anything done.  When I finally did get a call, it didn't even last 30 seconds.  "Your mammogram came back normal.  I recommend you get another one next year."  That was it.  Yet, it was a complete relief.

Now I find myself again waiting.  My brother has been in and out of the hospital for weeks now.  He's been battling skin cancer for years.  After this last round of radiation they said he was all clear, only he found himself back in the hospital a week later from an adverse reaction to a medication...so they thought.  Then, they thought that was under control & sent him home again...only to have him come back in that night because the x-ray showed pneumonia in his lungs.  After another week in the hospital, he was sent home again with the "all clear" message.  Then the next day he was rushed back in an ambulance.

After multiple scans and tests they said that the tumors on his lungs were growing at an alarmingly rapid rate. 

Wait.

Tumors on his lungs?

It was skin cancer, not lung cancer!

They did a biopsy of the tumors and said it wasn't cancerous...but they don't know what it is.  Then, he became non-responsive.  He doesn't seem to recognize anyone in his family.  Oh, and by the way, we found "something" on his brain.  We'll have to run some tests.

And this is the good hospital!

So, tonight he was rushed into emergency surgery because his brain was so swollen they had to go in to relieve pressure.  And I find myself waiting again.  Waiting for a phone call or an email or something to let me know my big brother is okay.

It's these times that make having moved away from home so hard.  Knowing we're where God wants us is priceless.  I wouldn't trade that.  Yet, tonight...I'd kind of like to be in Pennsylvania.

Please pray for my brother.

I Remember Her...

...that woman who would have 5 decadent desserts and 3-5 side dishes (all made from scratch, of course) prepared for the church picnic.  Not only would she have all of that ready, she'd be in charge of making sure that the kids had lots of fun games and prizes to enjoy.  She'd have all her family's clothes for the picnic washed and ready to go, plus Sunday's clothes laid out and ready.  The problem is that when thoughts of her flood my mind, the tears flood my eyes to the point that I can't get anything done.  I try so very hard to put her memory out of my mind -- and I often succeed at it.  Not today, though.

Today as I was struggling for hours with making 1 decadent (albeit very easy) dessert and 1 side dish, my mind rushed to thinking of her... the "me of the past" and I just got so angry with myself.  The more I thought of her, the more I decided that I could do it all.  So, I'd get in over my head more and more.  Before I knew it, 7 hours were just gone and I still hadn't finished just the 2 simple items.

I went to get the laundry out of the dryer and sat down and just cried.  I was so mad at myself for not being able to do all that I used to do.  I was frustrated and then I began to have a full blown pity party.  It wasn't pretty, let me tell ya!

Then I realized that the only one who was upset about my not doing all that I used to be able to do before the MS was me!  So, as I'm sitting in front of the dryer completely covered in tears I began to change my thinking.  Instead of thinking of all the things that I can't do, I started thinking of all the things that I can do right now that I couldn't do a year ago or even a few months ago for that matter!  For instance, I played the piano at a VBS at a friend's church last night.  Couldn't have done that a few months ago!  Sure, I hit some sour notes, but a few sour ones after years of not being able to hit any come out sweet in the end.  Well, maybe not to the other people listening, but to me anyway. ;) 

I also thought about the 13 steps I have to do to get down to the basement to do the laundry.  I couldn't have done that either.  Now I do them probably 15 times or more a week!  That's so cool! 

Yep, I served myself up a big ole piece of perspective pie.  I am ashamed of myself when I fall into those pity party modes, but I'm working on it. 

So, tomorrow I'll be taking 1 strawberry dessert and 1 bowl of macaroni salad with me to the picnic.  The people in my new church family didn't know her and they aren't going to be expecting her to show up.  They are expecting me to show, though, so I should probably get to bed!

The Battle in My Brain

So, my newest ministry as a PW (that's Pastor's Wife for those of you not "in the know") is teaching a ladies' Bible study.  Now, I have to tell you.  When I was asked I thought, "HA!  That's funny!  I am sooooo not qualified for that!"  But, I gave that great answer that always buys you more time and makes you sound good and spiritual, "Um... let me pray about it and get back to you."  So that's what I did.

Now here's where God's sense of humor comes in -- He made it pretty clear that this was EXACTLY what He wanted me to do!  I'm thinking, "Really?  What am I going to say?  I'm not gifted at speaking."  I refer to that as my Moses Moment.  So, I started praying more that God would show me what He wanted me to do.  I was thinking, "Okay.  I'll borrow/buy one of those DVD courses taught by someone like Beth Moore or Elizabeth George and then just do the discussion part with them."  God said, "No, that's not what I want you to do."

Then I thought, "Well, I'll have my Mom send me all of the lessons she's done with the ladies over the years.  She's such a gifted Bible teacher.  Her lessons are always so good.  Maybe I can pull that off."  God said, "No, that's not what I want you to do."

I thought, "Okay.  So, You don't want me to use something from someone who is more gifted than I am and has done this for years.  What do You want me to do?  Come up with something all on my own?"

God said, "Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do.  Now, when you're done having your little panic attack and are ready to ask Me for help, I'll be here waiting to guide you."

So, I couldn't sleep (I know, SHOCKER... right, DENISE??)  For those of you who don't know, Denise and I have chosen the path of living our lives in the state of sleep deprivation.  Some nights we are lucky enough to find each other alive and well (albeit in a comma-like state) on FaceBook.  I began to pray as I lay there in bed and I drifted off which was a true blessing.  I'd been praying for sleep for so many nights!

You know, I've always heard, "God has a sense of humor."  I've even said it when it seemed like the thing to say.  Now, I HAVE PROOF!  Guess what time I woke up?  FIVE A.M.  Yep.  And on a Saturday to boot!  So, I made my, "I cannot believe I'm awake already" trip down the hall to the bathroom, then my "I'm totally going back to bed" trip back to my bedroom.  Only, as I was lying there my mind was just racing.  All these ideas for what to do with the women were flooding it.  I was like, "Now?  Really?  Can't I just go back to sleep and I'll work on this at, oh, say 8?"  God said, "No.  You should get up and work on it now."

But, I thought for sure that I misunderstood what He was telling me.  So, I rolled over and tried sleeping on my left side instead of my right.  And just extra "proof" of God's sense of humor:  my hubby's alarm clock goes off -- and HE SLEEPS THROUGH IT!  So, I get up and make the, "I'm so gonna kill him" walk over to his side of the bed and turn off his alarm, give him a very gentle (okay, not so gentle) shove and say, "How on earth did you sleep through your alarm?  You turned the volume up to it's max?  Get up!"  (Yea, we've been married that long.)

You know what he has the nerve to say?  "Oh, I forgot to shut that off.  I don't have to get up for another hour."  Then, he goes right back to sleep while I'm standing there with my "I am so annoyed at you right now" look on my face!  THE NERVE!  I have spent the last 14 years working on that look and have just perfected it!

And God said in His still small voice: "I told you to get up."

Okay.  Now I'm up!  So, I grab a pen and a tablet and my Bible and head out to the living room.  That's where OBJECTIVITY was born.  He gave me the idea to use all these different objects that would be very recognizable to women and teach a practical Christian living application with each object.

So, we had our very first OBJECTIVITY night this past Thursday.  My lesson was called, "What's Weighing You Down" and I used weights as my object.  My DH (redeeming himself from the whole alarm thing) made weights for me out of wood, painted them black, and then put the writing on them.  They look so real!  On each weight, we put E-Motion as the weight "brand" and then on the opposite side, a different emotional weight with which women struggle.  I focused mainly on worry, regret, and bitterness, but also touched on fear, anger, pride, and guilt.  I wrapped myself up in a chain at one point and hung all these weights on it to show how satan wants to keep us bound by our emotions so that we are of no use to God.  (Yep, I felt like I was crazy...but it felt good to be doing what God wanted me to do.)

I do plan to post some of the lesson on here at a different time... right now we are getting ready for our trip to MN for hubby's grandma's memorial service.  Not looking forward to it due to how dysfunctional his family is, but praying that Peter will get the opportunity to share the Gospel with them.  We're heading into hostile territory, and that's probably an understatement!  This will be the first time since our wedding day (14 years ago) that we have been with any of his side of the family other than his folks.  He's especially anxious to spend some time with his sister and her family.  Pray for us! :)

Blessings

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

This song just hits me right in the heart!!!