Our Last Goodbye

Dean and Dee, 2010

When I was 4 he got married.  I was not a happy camper.  I really was mad at his new wife because I was going to grow up and marry my big brother!  How dare she!!!  But, reluctantly, I hugged him goodbye as he left for his honeymoon.


When I was 8 I stood proudly beside him as he in his full dress U.S. Army uniform led my class in the Pledge of Allegiance.  I had brought him in for show and tell.  Then, I went out with him to his car and hugged him goodbye as he left for the airport heading to Germany where he was stationed for four years.


When I was 10 I watched our lane for hours waiting for him to get there!  Two years without seeing him was torture!  He was coming home from Germany for Christmas!!!  I enjoyed watching him wallop my other older brother for all the mean things he'd done to me while he was away.  Then the New Year came and he and his family had to head back.  Once again I hugged him goodbye and watched the airplane leave Dover Air Force Base.


When I was 14 I spent a whole month with him on the Army base in Massachusetts.  I had so much fun being "Aunt Stacey" to his 4 children.  He introduced me to the music of Steven Curtis Chapman.  He took me to see all the historical sights he could.  We got to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July from a special viewing area reserved for soldiers and their families.  It was AWESOME!  Not just the fireworks, but being the only single girl on an Army base full of very lonely young men.  It helped that at 14 I looked like I was much older. ;)  Of course, my big brother had to be just that...my big brother and protect me from all those handsome young guys in uniform.  I forgave him...eventually.  My parents came to pick me up at the end of that month.  Another goodbye hug without knowing when I'd get to see him again.


When I was 16 he was discharged from the Army with military honors.  I was so happy!  HE WAS COMING HOME FOR GOOD!!!  He became a pastor of a church about 30 minutes from where I lived.  I'd go to his house and babysit sometimes.  Sometimes I'd play the piano for their VBS or revival meetings.  Each time as I'd leave we'd hug goodbye.  Only now it wasn't with the "when will I see him again" feeling.


As I stood giving my Valedictorian speech at graduation he was there.  This time I could see the proud look on his face.  Then he gave me a great "I'm so proud of my little sister" goodbye hug.  That was an awesome night.


A few months later I was packing for college.  I was just about ready to leave when he showed up with a huge box for me.  I opened it up to find a computer and printer.  My brother...the computer whiz kid had built me a computer to take with me to college.  Of course, in 1990 it was HUGE and heavy.  We put it in the van with the rest of my stuff and hugged goodbye once more.


Later I ended up transferring to another college that was closer to home, and I met a young man at church.  He was an obnoxious jerk.  He got saved and was then a saved obnoxious jerk.  He set his mind on the fact that he was going to marry me.  We ended up at the same college.  He told my big brother, "You know I intend to marry your sister.  One day she'll be my wife."  My big brother just laughed.  A few years later on our wedding day my brother shared that story just before officiating our vow ceremony.  It was now my turn to leave for my honeymoon, and as I did so he hugged me goodbye.  (By the way, my new hubby was no longer an obnoxious jerk.)


Peter & I bought a small trailer to live in while we saved up to build our dream house.  (We didn't know at the time that God had other plans.)  I came home one day from work and found big brother building me a small front porch.  He said, "I know this isn't your dream house, but we can sure make it a great home for you in the meantime."  I cried.  When he was finished, I gave him the biggest hug goodbye.


After our baby girl was born I'd take her to work with me.  I set up a nursery in my office.  In the afternoons I'd teach piano and she'd sit in her baby swing.  I can't tell you how many times my brother (who happened to live next door to my office) would come steal her.  I'd have to go to his place after lessons were over and steal her back.  He said, "You've been the cool aunt to my kids for years, now it's my turn to be the cool uncle."  And he was.  My daughter loved when he'd kidnap her.  Each time I'd just laugh as we hugged him goodbye.


Fast forward to February, 2011.  Now my family is moving to Illinois.  We know we are doing what God wants us to do.  The day we left I spent the afternoon with him.  We made plans for him to come visit next spring.  We reminisced about all of these things I've just written about.  We laughed and cried.  Then it was time for me to leave.  We hugged goodbye once more.


I wish I had known that it was going to be the last hug goodbye.


Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011, he left his 53-year-old earthly body behind for a heavenly one.  I didn't get to hug him goodbye because I'm in Illinois and he was in Pennsylvania. 

Dear Dean,
     I know you aren't into the whole "blog thing" and all, and that you feel strongly that we shouldn't put anything on the internet because the government is watching every word... but I'm going to do it anyway.
     I didn't get to say goodbye this time, but I'm so glad that I'll get another "hello"!!!  Until we meet again, big brother, I'm going to trust that our Savior is giving you those hugs that I so want to give you.
     I'm very thankful that you are no longer in pain and that you are finally cancer free FOREVER.  I'm jealous that you are with Dad, but I am confident that you are both taking notes on what our idiot brother is doing wrong so you can both tell him when he gets there.
     I love you.  I wish I could have said that to you one more time before you left, but I do think you knew it in your heart.  Until we meet again know that you are in my heart forever.  I won't be able to look at chocolate covered cherries this Christmas without thinking of the many boxes I snuck to you through the years without your wife seeing.

Love you so much!                   

"We can cry with hope

We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no

And we can grieve with hope

'Cause we believe with hope

(There's a place by God's grace)

There's a place where we'll see your face again

We'll see your face again..."

~ Steven Curtis Chapman

I Remember Her...

...that woman who would have 5 decadent desserts and 3-5 side dishes (all made from scratch, of course) prepared for the church picnic.  Not only would she have all of that ready, she'd be in charge of making sure that the kids had lots of fun games and prizes to enjoy.  She'd have all her family's clothes for the picnic washed and ready to go, plus Sunday's clothes laid out and ready.  The problem is that when thoughts of her flood my mind, the tears flood my eyes to the point that I can't get anything done.  I try so very hard to put her memory out of my mind -- and I often succeed at it.  Not today, though.

Today as I was struggling for hours with making 1 decadent (albeit very easy) dessert and 1 side dish, my mind rushed to thinking of her... the "me of the past" and I just got so angry with myself.  The more I thought of her, the more I decided that I could do it all.  So, I'd get in over my head more and more.  Before I knew it, 7 hours were just gone and I still hadn't finished just the 2 simple items.

I went to get the laundry out of the dryer and sat down and just cried.  I was so mad at myself for not being able to do all that I used to do.  I was frustrated and then I began to have a full blown pity party.  It wasn't pretty, let me tell ya!

Then I realized that the only one who was upset about my not doing all that I used to be able to do before the MS was me!  So, as I'm sitting in front of the dryer completely covered in tears I began to change my thinking.  Instead of thinking of all the things that I can't do, I started thinking of all the things that I can do right now that I couldn't do a year ago or even a few months ago for that matter!  For instance, I played the piano at a VBS at a friend's church last night.  Couldn't have done that a few months ago!  Sure, I hit some sour notes, but a few sour ones after years of not being able to hit any come out sweet in the end.  Well, maybe not to the other people listening, but to me anyway. ;) 

I also thought about the 13 steps I have to do to get down to the basement to do the laundry.  I couldn't have done that either.  Now I do them probably 15 times or more a week!  That's so cool! 

Yep, I served myself up a big ole piece of perspective pie.  I am ashamed of myself when I fall into those pity party modes, but I'm working on it. 

So, tomorrow I'll be taking 1 strawberry dessert and 1 bowl of macaroni salad with me to the picnic.  The people in my new church family didn't know her and they aren't going to be expecting her to show up.  They are expecting me to show, though, so I should probably get to bed!

As Time Goes By...

"Tick-Tock; Tick-Tock. Where did the time go on the clock?"

Do you remember that rhyme from school? Maybe it was just a thing from the elementary school I attended. I do find myself asking, "Where did all this time go?"

It seems like it was just yesterday that we were in our Pennsylvania home listening to Christmas music and decorating our tree. That was Thanksgiving night. Somewhere in the middle of that night, someone clicked the fast-forward button and now, here we are...less than 2 weeks from Memorial Day!

After posting THIS BLOG POST in January, life just got so busy so fast. My world became surrounded by cardboard boxes to which I had to surrender. They are still holding much of our belongings hostage, but I believe they will eventually agree to releasing them. I would truly appreciate it if the box that is holding my iron hostage would kindly set it free. I'm happy to exchange one of the many cake pans I've discovered for the iron. I'd like to have some wrinkle-free clothes.

Life here in IL is very different from life back in PA. We are in a town that actually has a Wal-Mart, too many fast food places, too many pizza joints, an Amtrak station, and lots of people. Yet, it's a much simpler place. The kids here aren't all attached to the end of the newest electronic gizmo beginning with a lowercase "i". Their parents expect them to (GASP!) get their driver's licenses and jobs and pay for those gizmos themselves if they want them! People in this town are "lifers" -- what they call themselves since they were born here and intend to stay her until they die.

We got here and were met by a band of people from our new church home. They had the moving truck unpacked quicker than my brain could comprehend. I thought maybe 2-3 guys would turn up to help. NOPE. There were men, women, teens, & children -- whole families who gave up their Saturday to help us get unloaded. The women immediately jumped in and began to help me unpack the kitchen stuff. It was amazing how quickly they worked! They were just so happy we were here. It made me feel really good... and humbled. It doesn't matter to me that I still can't find some things and that they have a very different idea of where things should go in a kitchen. They are just such kind, loving people!

I remember thinking, "Well, this ain't gonna last long!" We'd been hurt before, so I have a tendency to expect it. These people are the real deal, though. I'm enjoying getting to know them all more and more.

Life has been crazy busy! We have been running full steam ahead and I'm getting tired. I love it, though. It's pretty sad when you are looking forward to taking a trip out to MN for a memorial service in June because you are expecting to get a little rest. (Pathetic... I know.)

I love our house! We hadn't seen it except for an outside shot before we got here. I got to walk through it for maybe 2 minutes before the church folks got here to unload us, so it was just too much to take in all at once. We have a garage attached to the house! It's so cool! I don't get wet now when it's raining and I need to get in and out of our Jeep! And, there's another garage that sits behind the house. Right now it's holding all those boxes that need unpacked, but my husband is looking forward to turning it into...something. His man cave I suppose.

I have a basement. That's where the laundry room is. My physical therapy so far has been doing those steps a few times each day. Do you know how AMAZING it feels to be able to do steps after being in a wheelchair for so long??? God is so AWESOME! Sure, I have my own quirky way of doing them, but the point is that I do them! :) Oh, and there is a laundry chute in the bathroom. That's really convenient!

I'll post pictures when I have more time. I guess I'm just still in awe of things. You see, I've never lived in a house that had a garage or a basement. I really feel truly blessed. I was terrified at the thought of leasing a house for 2 years that I hadn't even seen. But, we had to have a place to live and this is what God provided in our price range. Our landlord is considering doing a lease-to-own deal with us. That would be nice. This was a "blind move" for us, but God saw it and knew this was just what we needed. It's not a big house, but it's big enough. It's not a new house, but it has all we need. I think it's perfect. Do I like all the decor? No. I'm not really into all the granny-ish prints. I don't like the drape choices, and the landlord's wife wants them to stay put while we are leasing in case we decide to move...but that's just something that provides privacy. No sense in letting my particular taste get in the way of enjoying a true blessing from the Lord! In all honesty, it would take me the 2 years on our lease to figure out what drapes and wall paper and such that I'd want...let alone the time it would take to get it all put up! We moved in and it's all in place. YAY!

I have to laugh because a lifetime ago I dated an older man. I was 22. He was 38. Nice guy, just not the man God wanted me to marry. The laughter comes in when I think back to the way he had his kitchen decorated. It was all done in fruit, and I just wasn't the fruit decor kind of gal. I'd tease him about it. Guess what my kitchen boarder is??? LOL. Yep! Fruit. Mostly clusters of grapes.

Anyway, I should get to bed. No, I still don't sleep much. I did go for a week or so sleeping. Now my mind is too busy to let me sleep. UGH. Some things never change.

My husband is so happy to be serving full time in the ministry. It's not as lucrative as his former job, but his retirement plan is out of this world! :) He loves serving God, and I love that he is so happy. I'd rather be dirt poor and happy because we are in God's will than be rich and out of His will. God is meeting every need. He's even providing some wants. What a MIGHTY GOD we serve!

Yes, that fast-forward button got pressed Thanksgiving night... but it's nice to be moving forward for a change. :)

Sorry this is so discombobulated...but it is 4:42 a.m. here in IL and I haven't been to sleep yet. I'm going to try to keep this blog more updated. I need to do it. I love blogging. Time just slipped away...

"Tick-Tock; Tick-Tock. Where did the time go on the clock?"

Reconnecting

It's funny how as soon as people hear through the grapevine of your imminent move, all of the sudden they contact you and feel the need to get together. Some of these people I haven't even heard from in 20+ years!

However, there's one friend I've been trying to make plans with for several years... only something ALWAYS happened and the plans got postponed. When she found out we were moving, she sent me a very sweet message that simply said, "I would love to see you before you leave, but I know you will be way too busy. Just know that I'm very happy for you and will be praying for you."

So I sent her a message back, "Linda, you're right. I am way too busy. That's why I'm going to do whatever I can to get us together before I move and become way to busy somewhere else."

We went back and forth trying to find a time that worked for both of us. I finally said let's just shoot for Friday night and meet for a cup of coffee somewhere in between our homes. So, that's what we did. We met at Starbucks at 7:15 and talked until after 10 p.m. It was WONDERFUL!

Linda and I taught Sunday School together for years. I first met her when I was 19. She was married with 2 daughters. We became instant friends. I always wanted to be the kind of mom she was/is. I taught her youngest daughter piano, and had both her daughters in my children's choir/drama club. They are both married now. I remember them walking down the aisle at my wedding as Junior Bridesmaids! Time flies! Linda was one of my bridesmaids, too. She was so supportive of me and always helped me with anything I needed help with.

So, tonight we chatted about her girls and her husband and my girl and my husband. We talked about our moms who both became widows at about the same time. We laughed and cried... and kept getting free packets of ground coffee from the workers who were obviously wanting us to leave so they could close up early. lol.

Reconnecting with old acquaintances is nice. I've done a lot of that on FaceBook. But reconnecting with a true friend... there's just nothing like it!

And, yes, I had DECAF and still cannot sleep! UGH! lol.

Take time and reconnect with someone who at one time was a special part of your life. You may be surprised to find that you just pick right up where you last left off.

I Stand in Awe of You!

Do you remember that song from, oh, 2 decades ago or so? Well, that sums up how I feel right now! I truly am just in complete and total awe of God! I don't know why I get so amazed when He does awesome things... I've seen Him do awesome things before. But each time I just get this feeling of, well, awe!

"Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12)

Have you ever prayed for something for so long (or at least what seems like a long time to you), and then when He answers the prayer get so humbly amazed that you are speechless? This is why I haven't blogged this until now. I needed to wait for God to give me the words!

My hubby is a sweetheart of a man. He truly is. I know none of you know him, but he's as good as they come. He loves me... not the ordinary, "I love you" kind of love, but he truly, deeply loves me and shows me that in a different way every day. I never realized how much until I had this last MS attack that left me completely helpless and at his mercy. He never once complained. He picked me up when I collapsed and realized I couldn't move anything from the waist down. He dried my tears. He made me laugh when there was nothing to laugh about. He cooked horrible meals and shrunk all my clothes, but he did it all out of love because he knew I couldn't do those things. He truly loves me, and I truly love him.

He is a caring man. He loves people. God has given him a compassionate heart -- a true pastor's heart. That's why it's been so hard to watch him these past 2 years get up each day and go to sell jewelry. He did it to take care of his family, but his heart stayed fixed on searching for where God wanted him to serve. Each time a door would open and we'd get excited, it would suddenly shut and we'd have to start the whole candidate process over again. He got narrowed down to the final 2 candidates out of over 200-300 I don't know how many times at this point only to find out they had gone with the other guy. But, after being disappointed we would remember that we only wanted to be where God wanted us. So, we'd begin again.

This time was different. It's a church that we'd never have really given a second glance had the door not been opened and closed so many times over the past almost 2 years. It's several states away from our home. But we'd told God, "Anywhere you want us, that's where we want to be."

Well, Illinois is where He wants us. He made it abundantly clear! He answered so many specific prayers that it is undeniably His will! In fact, when we got there on Jan. 8th, He began answering those prayers almost immediately! The church was having their annual beginning of the year fellowship and we immediately began getting to know the people. It was easy to see from the very start that these were people who were real. They are mostly hard working, blue collar types who work hard, play hard, and love God. They have a desire to serve Him and learn more of Him. It was so refreshing to see this in a group of people!

One of our specific prayers was for our daughter. She needs a friend. A good friend who will encourage her when she needs it and whom she can encourage as well. I have a friend like this. We've been friends since I was 12 and we are still very close. I could see that Gidget needed this. She's been so lonely... especially since her cousins moved. She hasn't really connected with anyone in the church we have been attending here. Every night we would pray together that God would send her a special friend. That night at the fellowship she just clicked with the kids who were there. It was so good to see her playing and laughing! But the true "WOW" moment came the next morning in church. After Sunday School, she sat down beside me in the pew. Then, this bubbly little blonde... cute as button... just came and squished herself in between Gidget & me. She had this beautiful smile and my daughter was just glowing. They both said at the same time, "GUESS WHAT???" I knew something good was coming. They proceeded to tell me that they shared the same birthday. Not just the same date, but the same year! What are the odds of that? I just was speechless. I felt in my heart like that was a real God thing! I just had a peace that God was answering that prayer.

We were praying that the church would be disability friendly. They have a chair lift to get you to the downstairs classrooms and fellowship area and an elevator to get you to the auditorium! The elevator was pretty cool. My husband was meeting with the pastor and I was waiting for him to help me upstairs. A very nice gentleman came over and offered his help. I was nervous, but accepted his offer because I didn't want to be late for the morning service. He pushed my wheelchair into a corner facing a wall. I thought, "Okay. This is odd." Then, he closed a gate behind me and pressed a button and the floor lifted! I'd never seen an elevator like that before! It was way cool! He said, "Just make sure that the elevator is at the top before you take your wheelchair off the edge here." lol. Yeah, I see the importance in that.

My husband had taught one of the adult Sunday School classes and then preached the morning service. After that, we went out to lunch with the Senior Pastor and his wife. Then, we went to the local nursing home and spent some time with the people there. I have to admit, after the long drive there (over 400 miles of it was in snow/sleet) and the Saturday night fellowship after we'd only been there for an hour... then the full Sunday we'd had so far, I was wiped out! I went over to the parsonage and laid down for about an hour while my husband met with the pulpit committee and Senior Pastor. He came back to the parsonage and we spoke for a while. We both had peace that this was where God wanted us. There was just this little issue of whether or not the church would vote us in. He had to have 75% majority vote. So, we headed over for the evening service.

That night the Senior Pastor did a short devotion and then they had their annual business meeting. After the other business was taken care of, they brought us up front and allowed the church members to ask us questions. Talk about being nervous! They asked good questions, too! After all the questioning was over, we were sent into one of the offices to wait for the church to discuss and vote. When the lady came and got us we couldn't tell anything from her expression. When we entered the back of the church, everyone was standing and the Senior Pastor had us come forward. He told us that the church had voted to extend a pastoral position offer to my husband and asked if he'd accept their call. He looked at me and we didn't have to say a word to each other. We knew God wanted us there. He accepted the position of Pastor of Outreach and Family. Then the Senior Pastor said, "I'm not sure how to feel about this, but you got a higher % vote than I did! You got 96%!" We were so excited to know that that many people voted for him!

That was such a HUGE BLESSING! We are still so thankful to God for putting us back to work!

You know, I've served in a church since I was a teenager. I served because I was a good girl and I knew it would please my parents and I knew it would please my pastor. I did the right things, but for the wrong reasons. Pleasing your parents and a godly pastor are certainly not bad things, but pleasing God is so much more important. That's what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to serve Him however He lets me, and I want to do it to please Him. I don't want to get to Heaven and realize I haven't earned any rewards to lay at His feet! He has been so faithful to me and shown me such grace and mercy... I can't even begin to tell you and I'd be so ashamed to tell you of many things. I just know that I don't want to mess up this time. I want so desperately to get to Heaven and hear Him say, "Well done!" This is my desire and my prayer.

I know this is a LONG post, but I have more to tell.

So, where are we going to live? That was the question on our minds on the long drive back to PA. It's hard to search for a home when you are several states away! The day after we got home the Senior Pastor called and had already found a house for us! Then, two days later he said to hold off on that one because he'd found a better one! This is where I'm asking for you to specifically pray. We have 2 cats and a dog. They are well trained. The cats are old, declawed, and fixed. They are more like floor rugs than anything else. None of the animals are destructive in any way. The owners of this house are just finishing fixing it up because the tenants had animals that destroyed things. The husband is fine with pets. The wife isn't. Please pray that God would either change her mind and let us get this house OR that He'd show us where He wants us to live. This particular house is exactly what we'd been praying for... big enough for the wheelchair, a rancher with a basement & a garage. We're not looking for fancy, just practical and in our budget.

Then there was the issue of how to afford to move? Guess what? One of the deacons owns a trucking company and said just to let him know the day we'll be ready and he'll have a tractor trailer here to pick up our stuff and have it waiting for us when we got there! It was like God was saying, "Okay, what's next on your list?"

Well, that would be a real estate investment that we've been trying to sell for about a year. This week, it sold! No, not the way we expected it to sell... we're basically walking away without any profit... but it sold! Sure, we've got to get the paperwork all done, but it sold! I'm telling you, God was going down our check list that we'd been praying over!

What to do with our house? That's the next thing. I'm not worrying about it. I know He's going to take care of that as well!

I really shouldn't type all this at 3 a.m. I'm just wide awake and I'm excited and nervous. I hope you (if anyone still reads this blog) will pray for us as we head out on this new adventure!

The verse I shared above is one that has been on my heart for almost 2 years. It's SO TRUE! Our hearts were sick from our hope being deferred, but now -- WOW! That tree of life is an AWESOME feeling!

This is a great responsibility. We aren't taking it lightly. It's also going to be tough financially, but I know that God is going to take care of us. He always has. He is AMAZING!

"You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful of comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp you infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depth of your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of you
I stand, I stand in awe of you
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you."by Mark Altrogge

Excitement, Fear, Stillness, Peace, Blessing, Joy

These 6 words sum up my week.

EXCITEMENT:
We began with excitement. We took Gidget to the American Museum of Natural History where her Grandpa is a curator. It was exciting. I'll post more about this some other time, but for now let me say this: The museum is completely designed to prove to everyone that evolution is real. They failed miserably! I say this because with every fossil... every bone... every "inexplicable" thing they show as proof of evolution, all I saw was proof of the Intelligent, Omnipotent Creator!!! It was amazing! This lead to some awesome discussions with my daughter about faith. We talked about how the scientists who designed much of the museum couldn't explain God, so instead they chose to try to explain His existence away. I challenged her to always hold onto her faith... that God would put things in her life that would require her to have faith and that those things would strengthen her faith even more if she'd have a willing heart.

**NOTE: It was at this point when I should have seen the next day coming!!!**

FEAR:
The day after the museum I got online to do my weekly banking only to find that our checking account was -$13,000. This was truly shocking since we didn't have near that amount in our checking account!!! How could this possibly be? I was horrified to find out that some company of which I knew nothing about had FROZEN our account! My husband called the bank and asked what was going on and they had no answers. They did supply him with the phone number of the company. They were no help. I was really frightened. We do not have a lot of money (and that's a huge understatement), but what we did have we needed to pay our bills. I was afraid.

In that time of fear I remembered a time when I was sitting in a hotel room in Nebraska waiting for the lawyer to call and tell me that I could take my baby home. God used Isaiah 41:10 to help me then with my fear. I went back to that verse and just kept saying it over & over again: "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

STILLNESS:
I cried. I prayed. I cried out in prayer. I jumped further into God's Word. God laid Psalm 46 on my heart. It begins with "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear..." This I clung onto for a while as I prayed. I read on and then I hit verse 10, "Be still and know that I am God..." It was here that I parked, so to speak. I realized that I needed to "be still"... There was nothing I could do. I couldn't go back in time and not send out the checks that were surely going to bounce now. I couldn't convince the bank that there was a terrible mistake. What I could do was be still. Let God be my refuge and my strength and just wait and see what He was going to do.

PEACE:
At this point I became enveloped in His peace... that peace that Paul spoke of in Phil. 4:7, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." It was a wonderful, beautiful moment in my life. I just knew that, no matter what, God was in control. He, my Heavenly Father, loved me and knew what was best. He would take care of us in His own way and in His own time.

BLESSING:
“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:19) It was now Wednesday evening. My husband came home from work with good news. He’d been able to stop his paycheck from being directly deposited into our frozen account! This was a HUGE blessing because, if we were very careful, we’d have what we’d need to get some food and pay the most important bills. Then, he surprised me with more news. His boss had also given him a check for the bonus that he had earned! This would relieve more of the pressure!!! Our God is AWESOME! But He didn't stop there...

JOY:
"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) I awoke the next morning and went about the day as usual. Gidget & I had breakfast, and then I began to prepare for the rest of the day when the phone rang. It was my husband. He had just spoken with the bank and they had removed the "freeze" that had been put on our account because, in their words, it wasn't legal. They did not know who this company was and found that this was a huge error on their part. They also assured us that we would not be charged any overdraft fees for anything that may have been refused during this time.

The joy was overwhelming!!! Only God could do this!!! I can't even tell you how my heart was rejoicing! Great jubilance indeed!!!

The best part is that my daughter was aware of what was going on. She got to see a "God thing" -- she'd seen each of these stages (although she didn't know all the details). I do believe that we should shield our children from things so they don't worry, but sometimes I wonder if we miss out on teaching them great life lessons!

My prayer is that I not only remember how truly FAITHFUL GOD IS, but that she remembers, too!

13 Years Old!

A teenager... finally! Remember that feeling of accomplishment? I sure do. It was exciting and full of possibilities.

That seems so long ago now, but the teen years are far from over. You see, my sweet husband and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary a month ago. Like usual, I didn't get around to blogging about it when it actually happened. But, it did happen.

Our marriage is now a teenager. No longer in the infant or early childhood years. Nope. We've graduated to the teens! And you know what? I feel kind of like I did back when I turned 13... like life is exciting and full of possibilities. Only now I'm not wondering if I'm EVER going to get a steady boyfriend or my first kiss. I got my last first kiss the first time my husband kissed me years ago. I still get butterflies in my stomach when he walks into the room.

The teen years always have ups and downs, but at least this time I have someone to share that roller coaster ride with! I love you, sweetheart!!!

We've got a few years before our next teenage experience begins... Gidget will turn 13 in 2014. I CAN WAIT!!! Oh, yes! I can wait for that! No rush! (She, however, thinks it's fun to keep growing up. Crazy kid!)

Happy Birthday, Gidget!!!

(Lots of pictures... I know. But I rarely share them...)

I just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that my baby is now NINE! How can that be?? Wasn't I just bathing her in the kitchen sink? I'm sure I was just picking her up when she fell while trying to take her first steps! It seems like yesterday... but it was years ago now. The memory of each milestone is still etched in my brain and on my heart, but the reality is that she's growing up a little more every day. And she's going to keep doing that. I don't want to be a force that tries to hold her back. I want to be the arms that still follow behind her to catch her when she falls. I want to be the cheerleader who cheers her on as she accomplishes each goal... no matter how seemingly small.

The truth is that I just LOVE being her Mommy. I wanted a house that was filled with children my whole life. God had other plans. He gave me one child and she fills our home with so much joy! It's such an awesome responsibility, and I often feel like I'm failing miserably as a Mom. But, I have to shoo away those thoughts and push forward. Each day is a new day with new opportunities to teach and mentor her.

Above all else I want her to grow into a woman who truly loves God with all her being. This may seem strange to some, but my husband and I have been praying for her future husband for as long as I can remember. I pray that he stays safe and that he grows to love God with all his being, and that he will love my daughter the way God intends for husbands to love their wives: as Christ loves His bride, the church.

I'm feeling very... I don't know how I'm feeling. When it hit me that Gidget is now half way to 18 I just thought I'd have a heart attack! It aches so much... but I don't want to dwell so much on what is behind that I miss enjoying what is right here, right now. You know what I mean?

We had a great time celebrating her birthday. I made up little clues and gave them to her one at a time. One was about the surprise visit from Grandma and Grandpa. Another was that she got to go to the donut shop for breakfast on Monday followed by a trip to the aquarium. It was homeschool week there so we got tickets at about half the regular price. My friend met us there with her 4 kids. That made the day so much fun for Gidget! After that, she got to pick where we ate dinner. She really enjoyed getting the clues and trying to solve them. (I'm wondering if it would have been enough just to give her a riddle book and save the $$! LOL.)

Anyway, happy birthday to my baby girl! As I'm always telling her: You may not be a baby anymore, but you'll always be my baby! I love you!!

Not Bad...

Not bad at all!

I'm talking about my weekend with my in-laws. They were here for 2 days & nights and it went much better than expected.

Sure, my mother-in-law insisted on teaching Gidget the states in alphabetical order through song... the most annoying song since This is the Song That Never Ends... even after we asked her about 10 times not to do that because I'm doing something different with her in school and it would confuse things. (After she left my husband asked Gidget to name the states for him. She could only think of 4. We were up to 25 before Grandma's song. Ugh...)

And, just out of curiosity, since when did they change the order of the alphabet? Does Alaska truly come before Alabama now? Guess I need to consult with a newer episode of Sesame Street.

I guess I just dread visits because of the unknown element. My father-in-law is always the same. He's the constant. He comes. He eats. He naps. He reads. He naps. He plays with his granddaughter. He naps. He eats. He naps. He reads... you get the picture. He really loves me and has become sweeter since my Dad passed away. I think he's trying to fill the void, which is humanly impossible, but it's very sweet of him to try. The unknown element is my mother-in-law... because I never know which one of her is going to show up!

For example, she came down in December and took Gidget & me out for a girls' day. We had such a very nice time! It was fun and lighthearted... even when the heater in her van stopped working and we were FREEZING we had fun.

Most visits are filled with conversations where she insults me. Like she'll say, "Honey, I can come down and repaint your bathroom for you next week because I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone to see it like that." Hmmm... that's what she says but what I hear is, "What's wrong with you? Can't you see that the paint in the bathroom is peeling and looks like a lion has been caged in there and has been trying to claw his way out through the walls?!"

Or she says, "Honey, how about I come down next week and scrub the filth off of your floors for you?" I hear, "You're floors are covered with disgusting filth obviously left behind by the barnyard animals you've been entertaining and we need to have you committed."

Yes, one could argue that the problem is with my hearing and not with what she says... but you'd truly have to hear her for yourself to make that argument valid.

This visit, however, she didn't insult my housekeeping (or lack thereof). She was only slightly intrusive and completely disregarded just a few of our rules where Gidget is concerned, but all-in-all it was much better than it has been!

So, I thank you for your prayers. God was definitely at the center of this visit!

Gidget Gets Her Man!

Okay, so you have to read this post to truly enjoy the significance of this picture!


While not technically in the Barbie line (since when is Disney cheaper than Barbie??), she didn't seem to mind. :) Oh, and we were told she greatly appreciated the fact that he was already dressed as a prince because she had no intentions of ever changing his clothes!!!

I have other pics I'll post at another time, but I will leave you with a pic of Gidget's little dog, Ariel.

To say that Ariel was feeling very defiled is an understatement! Gidget sure enjoyed it though! It's amazing what you find at the Dollar Tree! And guess how much it cost??? ;)

So Thankful!

I have so much for which to be thankful! I was thinking about this time last year. I had just suffered the worse MS attack I've had thus far. I was unable to get in or out of bed without help. My daughter would have to call my Mom in the mornings when we woke up to come help. I had to have a portable toilet in the most non-private of places because I couldn't use a walker to walk even one step and I couldn't get my wheelchair into a bathroom. I had to have my husband lift me into the bathtub where I could sit and bathe. I never felt so helpless and useless in my life.

But through all that God has allowed me to learn so many things; for that I am so grateful!!! I heard a dear pastor friend preach a message years ago about how we should view the "valleys" in life as training grounds and ask God to help us learn what it is that He wants us to learn and to help us to not miss the lesson. That has been a prayer of mine over the past year. I'm truly grateful for all that I have learned!

Last Thanksgiving I talked my husband through the Thanksgiving meal cooking. (That was even more exhausting than cooking it myself!) I wouldn't hear of not having the traditional family/friends meal as usual. I was wrong. I've learned that things will never be the same as they were and it's okay to start new traditions... or to even be a little spontaneous. So this year we are doing things VERY different! We actually (gasp) ordered our Thanksgiving meal from Bob Evans. I didn't bake anything... because I can't, and that's okay. The in-laws aren't coming (and, boy, is M-I-L upset), and neither is anyone else.

We are staying in our p.j.'s and decorating our Christmas tree while we watch the parade and the national dog show that Gidget loves to watch each year. (I could live without it!) My hubby is going to follow the heating directions and heat up our meal. Then we are going to sit around the card table which will be draped with a paper table cover instead of my nice linens (my dining room has been converted into a school room because of the wheelchair situation) . We are going to talk about what we are truly thankful for and give thanks to God.

It's going to be a very different Thanksgiving this year, but I'm very different this year! God is molding me into what He wants me to be. I got tired of fighting change. It's time to embrace God's plan for my life. It brings true joy when you do that!!!

I'm excited and happy and truly, deeply thankful to God for His mercy and grace!!!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Praising God!!!

I am simply in awe of God! He has been so good to me!! I'm going to post what I've been sending in emails to friends... praise the Lord with me!

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"But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me." Psalm 66:19-20

With the progressive form of MS I have, the doctors had pretty much given up hope that anything would help me. The last resort was to use chemo to kill off my immune system entirely so that it would stop attacking my body instead of doing its job. When they all said “chemo” – it just freaked me out! I have so many people who I love who have been down that road due to cancer, and they are just so much braver than I am!

I was told this a few months ago, but I had to go through a bunch of tests before I could begin. All the while I kept asking God to give me direction and wisdom because I didn’t want to make the wrong choice. The chemo drug that I would be going on has a high risk of heart damage and Leukemia. I have a daughter! These risks just didn’t sound great to me. She already goes through so much having a Mommy who can’t do the things other Moms can do. She’s such a little trooper!

A few weeks ago after being told yet again that chemo was my only hope, I prayed and I cried for a long time. Then I accepted that it was what I had to do. I told God that I’d do it if that was His will for me and that I’d trust Him to take care of me. I was still scared, but I kept saying the verse “What time I am afraid I will trust in Thee” over & over again. It comforted me.

Then one day 2 weeks ago my specialist called & said she wanted to put the chemo on hold for a week. That was okay with me!! I began to wonder if God was doing something, but still wanted to be willing to do whatever it was that He wanted. When I got to the neurology department at Penn last Monday after a long 2 hour drive, I signed in and we went into the waiting room expecting at least a 45 min. wait which is standard there. After about 2 min. my doctor personally came out and got me. Another first for her! She said she was anxious to see me. She did a thorough exam and was very pleased to find some improvement since our last appointment. She said that was extremely odd given the form of MS I have and the fact that there was no improvement visible on the MRI.

Then she sat there and just stared at me with a weird look on her face. After a few moments of silence she said, “This is just all very odd to me. Obviously something inexplicable is going on in your body because medically this makes no sense. Since you are doing better without any treatment, I’m going to recommend that we put chemo on hold. If you have another attack in the next few months we’ll start the chemo immediately. If not, I’m going to put you on the oral medication that should be FDA approved early next year.”

Now, what I should explain is that the oral medication is what I have wanted to be on for the past two years! It was in clinical trials and I couldn’t pass the physical portion of the exam to get in the trial because you had to be able to walk the length of a football field unassisted. Being in a wheelchair pretty much ruins your shot at getting in that trial! The people I know from different MS forums who are on it have had wonderful success. But, in January I flunked the physical exam for the final trial phase and I was told that I’d have to go on something else. My doctor pointed out Monday that if I had been accepted in the trial, right now we’d all be thinking that it was the pill holding the MS back...and that I may have been put on the placebo instead of the real medication and been giving that the credit. Isn’t it great that God kept me off that trial so that He could be glorified!!!

My friend Brenda referred me to a doctor who takes a holistic approach. I figured, “why not” and went to see him. He gave me all kinds of supplement suggestions. Then we began seeing a nutritionist. While I can’t medically prove that all the supplements and the subtle change in diet had anything to do with stabilizing the MS, I truly believe that God used this to help me. Having said that, I never imagined taking so many vitamins in my life! It’s crazy...but it’s helping!

So, no chemo for me at this time -- PRAISE THE LORD!! My muga heart test came back extremely healthy...no problems there other than my daughter pulling at the heartstrings! :)

I realize this was a lengthy, jumbled response, but I’m just so truly amazed at God’s grace! You’d have to know my specialist to truly get the whole picture. She’s this brilliant hippie chick. Saying that she wants to put chemo on hold and do nothing is directly opposite of EVERYTHING she had said before and of everything my other doctors recommended. It was clearly an answer to prayer! It was clearly a “God” thing!!! Yes, I may have another MS attack at any point, but I told my husband that if I do than I must accept that as God’s plan as well.

I really appreciate your prayers, and would truly appreciate your continued prayers that the attacks would stay away. Thank you so, so much!

Isn’t God AWESOME?!!!!

Drumroll Please...

May I introduce to you my great-nephew, Conner!!!!

Isn't he just adorable! It seems like just yesterday his daddy was this size and I was holding him in my arms. Times sure flies!

I'm really sad that they live so far away! I really, really want to hold this baby! I am thankful, though, that they finally were able to e-mail some photos!

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee..." Jeremiah 1:5

Before you were ever born, Conner, God knew you and loved you! He has a Divine purpose for your life, little man. Seek Him with all your heart.

Congratulations, Devin and Jolene!

Dead Cows

Do you ever watch Wheel of Fortune? I occasionally watch it. It makes me feel really good when I solve the puzzle quickly. I'd love to get a chance to be on that show! Of course, I'd stink when I got there... but I can dream. LOL.

So I'm watching it one night last week, and Pat Sajak and Vanna White are talking about road games they played as children. Gidget and I were laughing at the one Vanna played with her brother. They would count cows on their separate sides of the car and if there was a cemetery on their side of the road, it would "kill the cows" and they would have to start all over again. Whoever had the most cows at the end of their trip would be the winner.

I didn't give it much thought after that. Several days went by and my husband was driving me to physical therapy. Gidget was in the backseat. All of a sudden out of nowhere you hear a loud, "Oh great! Thanks a lot, Daddy! You just killed all my cows!"

Of course, my poor husband had no idea what he had done wrong. You should have seen his face! Gidget explained to him that he had driven by a cemetery on her side of the car and killed all her cows. She was quite upset about it to say the least... And who could blame her -- she'd been counting for almost 45 minutes and was up to 419 cows!

It was just really funny. You probably had to be there to really capture the humor in this, but I wanted to get it written up in my blog so years from now I can look back and remember how funny it was!

And trust me... when you're on your way to another grueling physical therapy session you need a good laugh!

Happy Anniversary!

12 years ago today I made the best decision of my life - I married the man of my dreams! I didn't realize it at that time though. I knew for a fact that I loved him with all my heart. I just never imagined how much love grows deeper and truer through the years.

We had a really big wedding. There were nine bridesmaids, nine groomsmen, eight junior bridesmaids, a flower girl and ring bearer (who both managed to sneak out of this picture), one groom, one bride, and a partridge in a pear tree. LOL! The really cool thing about our wedding party was that it was made up of many of the kids with whom we worked on our church bus route. It meant so much to them to be included! They kept thanking me, but the truth is that I really couldn't imagine not having them be a part of it! They were so special to us and were such a big part of our lives!

I had to go with a pastel, rainbow-type theme. It actually worked out pretty well. The girls were all such different shapes and sizes that it was impossible to find one dress that was flattering on all of them. So I grouped them into pairs and found dresses to suit each pair. It was different, but that's not unusual for me!

Looking back I've always wished we had gotten married in the fall. It had always been my dream. However, my husband won our honeymoon...and it had to be taken by the end of June. So, I gave up my dream of a fall wedding so that we could have a fantastic honeymoon. 12 years later I realize that we would have had a fantastic honeymoon regardless...he would have just had to pay for it! ;) No, now that I'm wiser I realize that we made the right decision in the first place. Why do we always second-guess ourselves?

This was the "beginning of the end" of my size 30 inch-waist fiancée! He looks so much healthier with meat on its bones! It was also the first time my mother threatened his life. You see, she made our wedding cake. It took her three long days. It was the best tasting wedding cake I have ever had! There were chocolate layers as well as almond flavored layers. Delicious!!!


Girls, this is why you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES listen to your fiancée when he says, "Hey, I know a guy who takes pictures at weddings..." Yes, this lovely photo of my husband in the men's bathroom was just the first of the many "classy" photographs taken that day! (Ready for this? The guy's name... JOHN! I know. That's not exactly lady-like lingo, but I found it ironic!)

What's everybody waiting for? Oh, ME! This song Butterfly Kisses was being played at the time. My Dad, who had already fallen apart in the bride's room, was trying desperately to keep it together! I'll never forget him crying. He had all the groomsmen in tears! It was just not something my Dad did in public.

This is our beloved Pastor Cunningham. He was explaining to my groom that, although he was about to become my husband, there were still two men above him in my life: my Dad and my boss (who just happened to be Pastor Cunningham!). We had a lot of laughter and a lot of tears during our ceremony, and I wouldn't have it any other way!



Hey Mr. Photographer! The ceremony is over and I have my entire family together including Mom, Dad, my grandparents, my brothers, all my nieces and nephews, etc... Where are you and what important wedding memory are you capturing for me?

Oh good! That's just so much more important than capturing my entire family all dressed up!

(Note the sarcasm in my writing!)

I just love a picture where I am surrounded by a group of guys who all love me! You'll notice that we found the ring bearer. He's the cute little guy beside me in front. That cute little guy is now 19 and about to have a child of his own! Time sure flies! The handsome man wearing glasses all the way over to your right is my Dad. I really miss him!

I also felt I should point out Tweedledee and Tweedledum in this photo. Tweedledee is the groomsmen beside my father. Please note that he decided to let his mother perm (yes, PERM) his hair the day before our wedding. All the way on the opposite side of the picture you'll see Tweedledum. He decided the night before my wedding to trim his sideburns. Having worked double shifts all week, he fell asleep with an electric razor in hand. This is why in the morning his wife had to shave the other side of his head in an effort to make both sides even. The picture below gives you a better view:

The two people standing are my brother and his 1st wife. He's on number three now and, as badly as #1 treated him, she is still the cream of the crop as far as I'm concerned!


This is me with my beautiful Mom. Amazingly she kept it together pretty good that day! I found out later that she fell apart after I'd left for my honeymoon. What a blessing to have had parents who weren't anxious to get rid of me! Didn't she do a beautiful job on the cake?!


Here's a better shot of the cake. We were cutting it to feed to each other. We opted to be nice and not smoosh it in each other's faces. Actually, I threatened him and he agreed. My aunt had gotten married the year before and I spent almost an hour trying to get all the colored icing out of her hair, veil, dress...it was really ridiculous!

Hey Mr. Photographer! Guess what? Not only am I about to throw my bouquet, but I managed once again to get my entire family together for that perfect photo memory!

Mr. photographer? Mr. photographer?

Okay, there must be some phenomenal wedding memory you're capturing at this very moment! I can hardly wait to see it! Oooh... just the very thought gives me goosebumps!!!!


SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? Dude, you're killing me!!!!

Will my marriage end over this photographer?

No, I'm a very forgiving woman...with very expensive plans for my daughter's wedding!

In this picture you'll see my beloved ring. I did tell you that it slipped off my finger when we were away from home a few months ago, didn't I? I miss that ring so much! It was insured and I have a beautiful new ring, but it's just not the same...

This is me desperately trying to shove 623 layers of material into our getaway car. Notice my handsome groom holding the door for me. As soon as I was in the car, he picked up the remainder of my 400 pound wedding gown and shoved it in on top of me. It's he romantic?!

As my groom came around the other side of the card to get in, he found that his seat was already occupied. This was probably one of my favorite memories of that day! My Dad had snuck in while everyone's attention was on me trying to get that dress into that car. He closed the door and told the driver to gun it. LOL! It was so much fun! He told me that there was no way he was letting me leave without getting a chance to tell me how much he loved me. We circled the parking lot a few times before putting my poor groom out of his misery.

I've saved my favorite picture for last. When my beautiful little flower girl went AWOL, I sent the troops out to locate her. It seems that the beautiful ivory satin gown, ivory tights with flowers embroidered on them, flower wreath for her hair, new patent leather white dress shoes, lacy gloves, and ivory satin lined basket full of rose petals was just too large a burden for little Miss. April to bear! (This is the child who most days could be found barefoot wearing a fluorescent orange shirt with red and green checkered shorts, and purple legwarmers!)

She was found sitting flat on the ground in the middle of the parking lot (an obvious suicide attempt). When asked by her mother if she was trying to get run over she replied, "Anything would be better than this torture!"

When she came back into the church, she ran up to me and gave me a big hug and said, "I hope you know, Miss. Stacey, that you are the only person in this whole wide world that I would wear this outfit for!" To this day that girl holds my heartstrings! I sent her home (she lived next door in the church personage) and told her to take that dress off and get comfy. Her mother wasn't thrilled, but she had completed her flower girl duties and weddings should be happy for everyone...especially little girls who will be dreaming about their own wedding one day!

Whenever you look back at the events in your life, you find things that you wish you would have done differently. Our wedding was really beautiful - even if it was in June instead of October!

The one thing I would've done differently (other than hire a real photographer) is that I would have had us write our own vows. I found the clip below online recently and it hit me that the vows this couple had written to each other is pretty much what we would have written to each other at the time. So, I thought I would share that today.

Peter, I love you more than I ever imagined was possible to love anyone! When I'm happy, you are the one I want to share that happiness with. When I'm tired, it's in your arms that I want to cuddle up and rest. When I'm sad, just knowing that you love me gives me joy. When I'm discouraged, you're the one who lifts my spirits and helps me to realize that things aren't as bad as I believe they are. I love you with every ounce of my being, and I will love you that way for all eternity!

The Downside

Okay, so I am getting used to this new program. I really love it. It has some issues, but what program doesn't! At least I am now able to get outside my own brain and put things down on my blog or an e-mail!

The downside of this program is that there is no privacy whatsoever! LOL! It seems like every single time I sit down to dictate something, little ears prick up and suddenly become interested in what I have to say. Note that this is directly the opposite of what goes on during homeschooling. During that time, nothing I have to say seems of interest to her. Maybe I should put on my headset and dictate her lessons to the computer. Hmmm. I'm going to have to give this some thought...

So Cool!

I am so excited! I have a new program for my computer that types what I say! It is very exciting to be able to actually use the computer again in this way. I have to say though, it's very strange talking to myself. LOL! It's a good thing that my family is out right now or else they would think I am crazy.

I am typing this in Word and I am hoping that it will copy over into my blog without many problems. I guess we'll see.

So much has been going on in my life and I have wanted to blog about it, but being unable to type was a major obstacle. After I have learned to use this new voice program better I plan on posting a lot more on my blog.

I am going to play with this probably all weekend. It's supposed to be rainy and humid, so it seems like a great time to stay inside.

I do have a funny story to tell you. I have been having balance issues lately. MS is notorious for that such thing. The other day I got up and went to use the bathroom. It was about 5:30 AM. My husband had already left for work. Gidget had crawled into bed with me. This is a normal thing for her. As soon as she hears her daddy leave, she heads straight for my bed.

So anyway, I make it to the bathroom just fine. Remember, I am wheelchair bound most of the time. However, the bathroom in our bedroom is too small for the wheelchair due to my husband’s recent remodeling in there. (That's a story for another time.) So I use my walker in the bathroom. After washing my hands, I realized that it was time for my medicine. I put the pill in my mouth and took a drink to swallow it. Apparently when I leaned my head back to swallow the pill my entire body went back. I only realized this when I was lying flat on the floor wondering what had just happened!

Of course, Gidget woke up when she heard the loud thud her mommy made. She jumped out of bed and ran over to me to see if I was all right. Amazingly, nothing was hurting so I pulled myself up and made it back to bed. After explaining to Gidget that I had just taken a drink and fell backwards, she and I went back to sleep.

After we got up and did school that day, my mom dropped by for a visit. Imagine my surprise when Gidget blurts out, “Guess what Mom-Mom? Mommy was drinking again and fell flat on her back!" I laughed so much that my stomach was sore! My mom hasn't stopped laughing about it! She keeps telling people and I keep begging her to stop. It really doesn't sound good for a pastor's wife! People are going to start thinking that I’m a drunk!

Anyway, my family just got home. Better get going.

Until next time,
Stacey

Happy Birthday, Gidget!!!!!!

I just can't believe my baby is 8 today!!! She is a gift that keeps on giving, directly from God!!!!

Thank You, God, for my baby girl! May I be the Mommy she needs. Give me wisdom & direction as I teach her daily. Most of all, please let her learn to love You more with every day of her life.

Something To Think About...

I keep a journal of quotes. Do you? I highly recommend it. Reading them at night when you can't sleep can bring laughter, tears, or just quiet contemplation.

This one popped out at me...

"For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, and invites us to dance. We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, "You have turned my mourning into dancing" (Psalm 30:11), because at the center of our grief we can find the grace of God." -- Dr. David Jeremiah

I remember writing that one down when Dad was dying. I'm glad I did because we have a dear lady in our church who is now in hospice care. I wanted something meaningful to share with her daughter. I believe God gave me this when I needed it most, but also knowing that I would share it with Laurie. How AWESOME is God??!!

Yesterday's BAD Attitude

So, if you read my fill-ins yesterday, you probably picked up on the fact that I wasn't my pleasant self. I don't really even have an excuse. No "Aunt Flo" to blame. No PMS. I just got annoyed and decided to let my bad attitude rule my day.

It started about a week ago, but gained momentum on Thursday night. You see, my MIL's mother is dying...again. I know that sounds bad. You should know that, according to my MIL, both her mom & FIL's mom have been dying since I met DH. Seriously...it's gotten to the point that we really don't know when to truly be concerned.

Well, DH felt that this time she isn't crying wolf or trying to add a guilt trip. She wanted to travel to Nebraska ASAP, but doesn't own a vehicle.

You see where I'm going???

She wanted to borrow ours. We just got a nice, reliable used car a few months ago. So we have that one plus a 1994 Jeep & a 1995 Jeep. We were planning on giving her the 1994 so she wouldn't have to rent a car whenever she wants to come for a visit. She lives about 2 hours away. DH had told my FIL about it & he told DH to wait until the Spring. So, that's what we were doing until this came up. FIL told MIL about it and she wanted to get it now to drive out to NE. I told DH that it's not in good enough shape for that kind of trip. Back & forth once every 2-3 months to our house is one thing. Back & forth to NE is a whole other story! I asked him, "Why doesn't she just fly out?" That made more sense to me.

You have to know my MIL. Common sense isn't one of her traits! She's a very sensitive, loving kind of person, but is stubborn as a mule. Once she found out we were going to give her the Jeep in the spring, she called at least 14 times a day to argue with DH about driving it out t0 NE. He kept telling her that it wouldn't make trips back & forth that far & that she'd be without a vehicle again once she killed this one. She didn't care.

So, a gift is a gift. What she did with the gift was really her business. I was worried about her driving that far by herself in an unreliable vehicle, so I decided to add her to our AAA. DH decided to take the Jeep to our mechanic to do routine stuff & just check it out before the trip. That ended up costing $$ we don't have. Guess what he said?? "This vehicle won't make that trip." Hmmm...I know I heard that already from someone.

So, he called his mom & told her what the mechanic said. She said, "Well, what about your other one?" Okay, that one is the one we kept for when I'm driving again. We need 2 vehicles. Besides, it has to be babied. It wouldn't hold up to what his Mom would put it through and then we'd be in trouble. But, despite my rather vocal reservations, DH took that one to the mechanic. Again costing us $$. Again, the mechanic echoed my words..."It won't hold up under that kind of trip."

I forgot to mention that this trip to the mechanic was yesterday and that DH ended up taking the day off work without pay. His boss isn't giving any vacation time or personal days off with pay this year. He can't because of the economy. So, again, this cost us even more $$. And DH didn't take the day off because of the appointment with the mechanic. No. He spent the morning car shopping for a good, used car for his mom to buy at her request.

So, DH comes in the door at Noon and tells me all about what had transpired. By this time I was more than annoyed. I asked him why he didn't just call me from work which is when I found out he took the day off to shop around for a car for his mom.

Later on in the evening he gets another call from his mom. She's decided to buy one that he had told her about earlier that day & she's only minutes from our house. Now, I wasn't expecting company and had nothing prepared. Quickly we decided that he & DD could take them to the dealership & just eat out. I needed some time alone anyway. I was more than extremely annoyed at this point! I was at my breaking point & needed to cry and pray...maybe scream. And, WHERE IS THE CHOCOLATE???

So, that's what they did. As I went into my room & laid on my bread crying, I realized I was acting like a baby. Sure, I had logic on my side...but her Mom needs her. I got to thinking about if it were my mom needing me. Then, I realized how childish I was acting. I was being like my SIL's and I NEVER, EVER want to act toward my MIL the way they treat my Mom!

When they came back I was back to being myself. We had a nice visit. Just before they left I found out that, after all we'd been through over the past week, she decided to just fly out.

Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor!