For His Glory

This past week our family attended a church service at a local Baptist church. I must admit that I didn't go in the right spirit. I hadn't slept the night before and that always makes getting my head (as well as my clothes) on straight a problem!

I sang along with the music portion of the service half-heartedly. My mind wasn't there. I was focused instead on what all I should have gotten done the previous day and what I needed to get done in the days ahead.

I was there in body, but not with my whole heart, mind, and soul.

Then, something caught my attention. An elderly gentleman, I'd say 80+ years old, slowly made his way up the aisle of the small church auditorium to the platform. He opened a folder and looked out at us and smiled. As the pianist began to play, he began to sing. He sang an old song entitled "The Christ of Calvary."

Suddenly I was there... not just in body, but in body, heart, soul, and mind. His fragile body was weak. His voice trembled as he tried to hit the higher notes. It was absolutely beautiful! Not the song, although it was a beautiful song, but the heart of the man singing it. He just had this glow about him. He was at an age where so many Christians "retire" from serving in any capacity. Yet, here was a man who was determined to continue to use what he could to bring glory to the Lord!

This has been on my mind ever since that day. I suppose what's bothering me is that this lovely gentleman is doing what I so desperately want to be doing, but just seem to have lost my way. I've lost "me" -- the me I was before the MS hit and took so much away.

When I was just a girl of 15 our church found itself without a pianist. I had been taking lessons for a few years and suddenly found myself sitting on that piano stool absolutely TERRIFIED! Yet, that's where I wanted to be... that's where I knew God wanted me to be, and I somehow knew He was going to help me. I still remember all those blunders I made as I stumbled through the first few months. I remember praying that God would please give me what I needed to become the pianist that our church needed. I practiced harder than ever. You know what? God made all the difference! He blessed me with an ability to play the piano far beyond what I was able to do just from my own ability. I became a really good church pianist. In fact, our church began to grow and so many people told my pastor that they were drawn in by the music. It was so like God to take an awkward girl and use her to fill that need! He could have drawn in a fantastic, seasoned pianist to sit on that piano stool, but He didn't. He used me.

While I was in college I continued to use my God-given musical talent to serve Him. I started a children's choir and drama club. We only had 5 or 6 kids when it began, but it grew to around 50 in a very short time. I directed several musicals a year. I absolutely LOVED it. The kids voted to call themselves the C.I.A. which stood for Christians in Action. Before I knew it we had become relatively well known. We were invited to sing at other churches for special events. It was amazing how God worked in the lives of those kids!

Our motto was "For His Glory" and every time we practiced or performed, we would gather up in a huddle, pray, and then shout, "1-2-3...FOR HIS GLORY!" My goal in working with these kids was to try to instill in them the importance of using their God-given talents for God throughout their lives. I stressed it every single time we were together. I'm truly amazed at how many of them embraced it! Many of these kids were bus kids from really sad homes. My helpers and I would pick them up in our cars and bring them out for practice. Since I joined Facebook I have been contacted by so many of them. They are grown now. Many are married with children of their own. Many are in Bible colleges. Many are serving God and have sent me messages thanking me for thinking they were important enough to "waste" my time on. That makes me cry. I always respond that it was an honor to be allowed to work with them. I never considered any of my kids a waste of time!

Now I'm just so lost. No longer can I play the piano. No longer can I direct musicals. Those are the things that I love to do for God, but He has taken the ability to do them away.

"Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly." (Job 1:20-22)

I think about all that Job lost and feel shame. I call this blog, "Confessions of a Pastor's Wife" yet I rarely confess much. Well, here I am confessing! I feel shame because I have these little pity parties often. "Boo-Hoo! I've lost so much! This MS is no fun and no fair!"

How pathetic am I??? Job lost so much more than I can even imagine and yet he found a way to still praise the Lord in the midst of it all!!!

I am sorry when I have these little pity parties, and I tell God so. I ask Him to forgive me. I know He does because His Word tells me in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

That takes me back to the song that sweet gentleman sang. "The Christ of Calvary" -- Who was brutally beaten, spat upon, mocked, had a crown of thorns thrust into His precious head, and then crucified... all so I could sit here in my wheelchair and have a pity party?

Yes, I can do that... but I don't want to anymore!!!

I have lost the "me" I used to be, but I need to find the "me" He wants me to be now. When I was that teenager He gave me what I would need to serve Him-- for that time.
Is it such a reach to believe that He will once again give me what I need to serve Him now -- "for such a time as this"?

Won't you please pray with me that He will reveal to me how He now wants me to serve Him. I don't want to just sit around waiting for Heaven and do nothing to serve Him. I want to serve Him... I desperately NEED to serve Him!

1-2-3...FOR HIS GLORY!

"As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen." (I Peter 4:10-11)

"Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him." (Deuteronomy 13:4)

"Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality." (Romans 12:9-13)